The Expendables 1 and 2

Hello there. Do you like action movies? Do you like films where guys swear, sweat and fire round after round of bullets from guns that shouldn’t really hold that many bullets?

Do you like seeing actors who made great action films in the 1980s grunt and hit people in the face?

Do you love a film where people have knifes kicked into their chest?

Do you adore films where the plot takes a back seat to banner and things exploding?

Come to thing of it, do you like films where guys blow up things for no reason whatsoever but just because the film have a budget for burning things?

Do you like films with macguffins, where guys yell at each other about where the macguffins is and how much time there is until the macguffins explodes?

Do you like jokes made about much better action films from the 1980s and 90s?

Finally do you enjoy films where people are hit with a single bullet but their bodies erupt with a firework of blood that makes it look like Monty Python had a hand in the making of the film?

Riddick

Hello there. The movie world seems to love a bad boy. Sometimes the villains are far more rounded and interesting than the whiter than white good guys. Riddick has to be one of the baddest boys out there. Vin Diesel loves this character and loves playing him. You can tell in the dark joy he brings to the performance.

The first film was a murky, gritty film that seemed to be cut from the same cloth as the early Alien films. The second on the other hand strayed into the Dune neighbourhood. With it’s huge back story and god like planet dwellers.

Some it was a relief that the third film returned to the realm of the first and forgot about the lore of the second for most of its runtime. Riddick against humans and monsters is what these films do best.

Just set up the world and the danger and watch how the crazy eyed killer is going to escape this time.  The other characters in Riddick are good too. Some realistically coarse performances from the crews of two ships set to hunt for the bounty on Riddick’s head.

I’m more than happy that they have said another film is on the way. Time will tell which route they follow.

Ugly Betty and Chuck

Hello there. These days the box set rules. I’ll watch the first episode of a show when it airs on TV and then if I like it wait for the box set to come out. I can’t deal with the week to week having to follow the plots and who is who. I want it all in one huge hour after hour; fill your day with nothing else, bombardment. Apart from Game of Thrones for some reason, I’ve been watching that as it airs. No clue as to why I single that show out for special treatment.

But onto what I want to talk about today, Ugly Betty and Chuck. I doubt there are many people out there who watch both or are fans of both. If you are let me know I’m not alone. I do love one more than the other and just because I’m talking about them today doesn’t mean they are my favourite shows of all time. That honour goes to Doctor Who.

But I’ve finished the full season box sets of both shows this past couple of weeks and thought I would talk about both. For some crazy reason of which I’m not yet sure of.

Ugly Betty, in case you don’t know, is about a young woman tricked into working at a fashion magazine. The reason for this is because the head of the company doesn’t want his son to sleep with his assistant like he has done time and time again. So hire the ‘ugly’ girl so the temptation isn’t there. What follows is the most marvellously camp show until Glee came along. Which is another show I strongly like.

I doubt anyone who dismissed the show would really know how much it’s about murders, death, kidnappings and more murders.  One storyline is all about stealing sperm from a corpse. You don’t see that on TV everyday of the week. It’s about heart and family too of course. With any long running show some storylines drag and you wish them to be over already, but that is the joy of the box set.

Which bring me to my next choice, Chuck. Right this is the main idea, a dopey guy who works in an electrical store gets a secret er….(weapon?) something beamed into his brain because of reasons.

It is daft, high class daft. But sadly is seems to me to be very stuck in the 1980s. What with the Tron posters and the guest stars who all have worked very little since that decade. A few stars come from other genre shows too. Some weeks it’s a game of ‘oh look it’s thingy from they thing back in the day’.  Also it’s as if they wanted to make Alias but didn’t have the same budget. Alias is a far better show.

As with Ugly Betty this show had a hard time at the hands of the network runners. And it was only fans that brought it back from the dead a couple of times. But in some of the later seasons I sat thinking it’s a show that should have died sooner.  Some episodes seem to go over old storylines time and time again and drag at a snails pace. Then it picks up towards the end. It needed a stronger arc to keep the audience interested. Tent poling a show with guest stars isn’t the way to go. It keeps an audience amused for seconds as they smile at who the star is but it can’t make up for weak stories and run of the mill TV. You will be asking yourself why I would still tell people to watch this show after all that? I’m just one person. It’s just my thoughts. Give it a go and see if I’m right or wrong.

The Lego Movie

Hello there. I have to admit when they first said there was to be a Lego movie I was bricking it that it would be just a bad long advert of my favourite toy. I also worried it would be all CGI.

I needn't have worried. It is beautiful, the truly fitting tribute to a great product. The jokes are fantastic, with in-joke built on top of in-joke. It’s the type of film I doubt you can fully see it all even if you have watched it over and over.

Some of the jokes are surprisingly adult too. In fact the whole thing is too good for kids. I don’t use this word lightly, but the last ten minutes are a work of genius. The whole film is a surreal delight, the type of film an idiot would say that an American studio couldn't pull off. But pull it off they do.

The plot, well at ground level, that is basically the plot of The Matrix and every ‘chosen one’ variety of narrative.  But to try and sound clever for a moment the film is very meta, it’s knows it’s a movie. It knows its plot is a joke within a joke. The joy is it doesn't care. It really couldn't care less. I do wonder how Lego deep down feel about this film. The main message about building worlds for yourself and living your life without rules goes against the main thing Lego is all about these days.

The voice cast couldn't be better. Choosing to go with lesser known people for most of the main roles rather than huge stars is great. Picking the people right for the parts rather than trying to nail whoever is cool at the moment into a Lego body. That isn't to say there aren't big stars in there too. Some of them are huge and a joy when they pop up.

In closing I shouldn't have worried it’s glorious. Now I just have to worry about the inevitable sequel.

The Spirit

Hello there. A guilty pleasure film is meant to be a film you like but should be ashamed of liking. To be totally honest with you I’m not ashamed to like any of the strange, hugely over the top films that I like that I know other people simply hate with a fiery passion.

The Spirit is strange, stupid, ridiculous and so over the top it’s down the other side of the hill.

I remember going to a cinema screening of Sin City when it was first out and a young couple in the lobby afterwards. The girl said to the boy “Well that was a load of rubbish, you’re not picking our films again” to which the boy replied “Yeah you’re right”. But the look on his face as a pained one. He had enjoyed the film but wanted to keep his girl happy. I sometimes think that is the way with many film goers, we should stick up for the films that we like even if others don’t care of them.

Of course I’m not saying force others to watch what you know they will hate, but be proud of the films that are beyond the norm. Of course I know some films are just plain bad that they have nothing to say to anyone. But The Spirit is so dumb and beyond the normal that it’s a joy to me.

I love Sin City the film and the comics. I enjoy Frank Miller’s work. Of course even I can admit with The Dark Knight Strikes Again he went bat-shit crazy. Also maybe it’s because I knew nothing about The Spirit comics that I enjoyed the film. As if it’s just another chapter from Sin City.

Samuel L Jackson. My, my, my. What planet was he on when he made this film? He is the villain, an egg obsessed weirdo with zero marbles.

Jackson chews the scenery, well he would if there was any scenery. Since we are in green screen world. As you might have guessed I’ve watched this film a fair few times. I can’t explain the plot. I have zero idea what on Earth is going on. Something to do with legends of old and magic ever lasting life giving blood.  Just watch it. If you didn’t like the look of it from the trailer then don’t watch it. It’s not everybody’s cup of tea. But for me it’s a pleasure and not a guilty one.

Cloud Atlas

Hello there. It’s not often a film is beautiful, distressing, joyful, mischievous, confusing, heartfelt and satisfying all at the same time. Cloud Atlas, why wasn't this film more of a success?

It might have something to do with the fact its long or the fact at times it’s feels like the film makers have the remote control to the screen and are channel hopping.

I did wish at times that some scenes played out for longer. Slower, maybe. I could have watched this story told over a longer period, six or nine hours possibly. Perhaps covering some to the smaller touches from the novel.

The story plays out over six different time periods and with the same cast playing diversely different characters. This was both a joy and a bother. If in one part someone is a villain you can’t quite feel for them in a different era if the character is in danger. You want bad things to happen to bad people. But if they are swapped for good people you can get conflicted.

For some parts your hearts bleeds for these people and in others you are lost on what to think until their final moments. Of course it’s confusing. I know certain people I would never dream of showing this film to because it would just be beyond them. You sometimes read comments that a film stays with you. This one certainly has. It’s been banging around in my head for days now. I want to watch it again. But I sometimes dislike watching a film so soon after the first showing. I tend to wait so my idiot’s mind can forget things and go back to it afresh.

It’s beautiful, simply beautiful. I hope in years to come it is appraised anew and rediscovered, it deserves it.

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

Hello there. You really have to hand it to the Japanese. Where else in the world will you find a ‘cartoon’ that covers such storylines as a holy war against blue eyed blond haired soldiers? Terrorists thinking they are doing the work of their god. The corruption of a military state. Finally a child’s soul bonded to a suit of armour by his older brother who suffers from small man syndrome during a botched attempt to bring their mother back to life.

The lose of childhood and parents is a very strong tread that runs throughout the whole series. All this sounds like it would make for a very heavy show. But likeable characters and funny moments lighten the mood from time to time. But personally I could have done without the overuse of deformed comic cartoony heads and sound effects from a second rate Tom and Jerry.

They are used far too often, they offer amusement sometimes but often get in the way of the story and clash with the violence and gory body horror that is shown.

The blood shed towards the end goes way over the top, stop making the villains so unkillable. It makes the heroes look weak if the villains pop up time after time.

It’s a case of ‘Oi Batman! Just grab The Joker and snap his neck for once in your life. All the murders he has committed are blood on your hands, buddy’.

With this show the heroes hate to kill people. But some are vile monsters who their own mother’s couldn’t love. The final battle is over about twenty episodes, thank the lord of anime for the box set. I couldn’t sit and watch it week after week on TV.

Saying that I watch Games of Thrones on TV rather than waiting for the box sets and that has as many characters to keep track of as this does. Speaking of which, for a few episodes the story goes to a huge defensive wall in the North of the land built to keep invaders from the snowy wastes out.

Very interesting. Pure coincidence I’m sure.

This is a far cleaner and crisp show to those that have gone before and this should be made as the benchmark for how anime is made.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Hello there. I love monkeys. I love monkeys in film. But these days after watching how cruel is it to have real monkeys and apes in films the next best thing is a film like this. Where you wouldn’t know they weren’t real monkeys and apes unless told.

Back in the original films you, of course, could tell it was a guy in excellent make up monkeying around. But these days the audience is smarter and wants CGI for their bucks.  Stunning apes they are too. Thankfully this film rises from the ashes of the mess Tim Burton made of the franchise.

Andy Serkis, the mo-cap king, is amazing as the lead ape Caesar. His movement and matters make you believe that is a creature born and raised as an ape. It is the type of amazing performance that makes you hate award voters during the award season as they pass on voting for what is one of the strongest performances any actor can give.

 James Franco is also good. Sometimes James is lazy, thinking he can get away with just playing James Franco (and I don’t just mean as in the overlong, over indulgent This Is The End) but here he plays a well rounded character looking for a cure after a personal family tragedy.

With the sequel here so soon it’s time to revisit this great film or watch it for the first time in preparation for the films to come. Come they will, long live the king of the monkey films.

Frozen

Hello there. I love snow. It’s no secret to those who know me that it’s my favourite type weather. It’s just such a beautiful thing. It makes even the greyest of areas a white clean canvas.

Animated snow is the most gorgeous of art forms. There is a scene in the 2001 anime version of Metropolis during a revolutionary protest where it starts to snow and its one of the most powerful pieces of anime ever put onto screen. Saying that maybe I should be reviewing that amazing film and not this one. Maybe I will at some later date.

But onto the Disney snowy landscape first.

I enjoyed the film very much but things still niggled me about certain aspects of the plot.

It’s about a snow queen who can touch things and turn them into ice or snow.  But she can wear thin gloves to stop her magical power. Gloves, thin cotton gloves? How on earth does that work? How does that stop her from turning things to ice? Then later she is seen waving her hands about and ice is just forming from her across the room. Did she need the gloves or not? Also does her power come from her hands or her skin? Her face isn’t covered.

Just what is her power? Because later she makes a snowman come to life. How did she do that? How did she create life? She makes a walking talking snowman and another angry grunting being. Why can’t the second thing speak?

Olaf the snowman might be the Jar Jar of the film. (and I use that as a stereotype meaning an annoying character, because personally I never had a problem with Jar Jar. I know, sue me) but he’s funny and makes sure the story doesn’t get too dark at times when it could veer down that path.

Also it’s another Disney film where a four legged creature who isn’t a dog acts like a dog. This time a reindeer rather than the horse from Tangled.

The songs are OK but only a handful of them stick in the mind afterwards. No wonder the main Oscar winning song ‘Let It Go’ has been adopted by the LGBT community since it is song about being true to yourself and not giving a damn what other people think about you.

Oddly the first time I watched the film I thought there were too many songs but on the second viewing I didn’t mind them so much.

It is now the biggest money making animation Disney has made. It is the best, no not by a long shot when you look at their classic back catalogue but it their most fun and polished in quite a while.

Up

Hello there. So what is Up about? Just an old guy and a house covered in balloons. Just that? Wrong. I’m not sure there are many ‘kids’ movies that are about so much.

Its about lose, friendship, the importance of home and family. It touches on the break up of a family and the start of a new one. How the elderly are important members of society.

But most importantly it’s about having a dream and following it.

It has been a while since I watched it last so I watched it again today. The way my mind works is I know I like a film and I can remember bits and pieces but the little things go for a walk out my mind after a while. I had forgotten about how touching the film is. Not just the famous opening. Which, yes, I was in floods for tears at, again. I don’t mind admitting I’m someone who cries more now than when they were a child.

I’m moved by things more now than ever. And I forgot how moving Up was.

The trouble might be that Up moves fast and it did take me a while to recover after the crying, so the next few parts I was awash with tears.

But it’s funny. Another thing I had forgotten. It might have something to do with the fact that the first time I watched it on my own and today I watched it with my family. With a mother like mine who can’t stay quiet when things go wrong “oh dear”.

The voice cast are top notch. What is a top notch? I’ll look that up after I’ve written this.

OK I checked, I could wait and I knew I would forget. Stupid online dictionaries, they tell you what it means not what it is and where it came from. Anyway enough waffle back to Up.

 The plot is strange, you think its going to stay as one thing the whole time and then it bends off to new places and is about something totally different. Still being funny and a right laugh the whole time. Cute dog and funny bird. Old grump and helpful kid. What’s not to love?

Side note why are Pixar’s (DVD extra) short films far better than most full films from other studios?

Man of Steel

Hello there. And let’s lay this one to rest right off the bat, I’ve never been a huge fan of Superman. There I’ve said it. That was good to get off my chest. The thing is, he’s too prefect. Untouchable and unkillable.

I like my heroes a bit more batty or a bit more spidery. Someone who looks like they might be killed at any moment. But saying that I’ve seen every Superman film ever made.  Not a huge feat I’m sure you’ll agree. But it does mean I’ve sat through Superman  IV a few times. So I do deserve some sort of reward.

And every episode of Smallville. So maybe I have a small soft spot for the alien boy scout.

So Man Of Steel, many people and Superman fans seem to dislike this movie for some reason.

But for me ever since I watched Superman II I’ve wanted a huge super powered bugger versus super power bugger slam fight. Man Of Steel delivers you that. A little too much. Towards the end you do get falling concrete fatigue. But that exhaustion is worth it. It seems today after so many Transformers movies every movie of this type should have wall to wall falling walls.

In the sequel gawd knows how they are going to build that city again in time for another more batty smackdown.

The actors, Henry Cavill not a bad little stud monkey. After watching him in The Tudors and Immortals he seems stately enough to play the granddaddy of all superheroes.

Yet he seems a little lost. It’s strange he is making all the right moves yet seems to belong to a different film.

Right I have never understood the appeal of Kevin Costner. He has the emotional range of a plank.

In fact he was so wooden in Waterworld he floated.

Luckily his role is small enough so he doesn’t stink the place up too much. But he does at times deliver lines that are meant to have great importance as if he is ordering curtains for a back bedroom.

Amy Adams as Lois. OK not bad. Bit bland, to the point that when I was watching it again today I couldn’t remember who was going to turn up as Lois until she came on the screen.

Michael Shannon, as the sod Zod. Grumpy monkey that one. All shouts and chewing the spaceships.

Russell Crowe, did he have a tax bill he needed paying. Because his role, isn’t very well served. I know he has to die towards the start and they do give him more than mumbles Marlon Brando but wandering about spaceships like a knock off ghost of Obi Wan isn’t great for any actor.

The rest of the cast are oh-you-know-it’s-him- from-that-thing and it’s-thingy-from-oh-it’ll-come-to-me.

So give it a go. Or give it another go. Its better the second time round. And to be honest after Watchemen Mr Snyder can do no wrong yet.